Goodbye My Angel…

Mother...

My mom passed away all of a sudden, right in my arms on January 03, 2013. She died of a sudden cardiac arrest, and it was so sudden that it was all over even before any of us could realize what was actually happening. Since the day she has passed away, I have been feeling quite lost, I cry quite a lot and at unexpected moments, and I feel very different without her.

There are times when I am ‘normal’, but at times its just too overwhelming grief and sadness that I won’t be able to see her, hear her, talk to her ever again. I pray to God that she be happy wherever she is. It’s almost been a month now that she passed away; I still look at her picture(s) and there are times I wish I could’ve done something to save her, that she would’ve given us atleast some-time to do something for her, which could’ve saved her life. I wish I could repay her for all the continuous love she had for me all her life.

Mummy, I love you, and I surely hope (and somewhere deep down inside I know) that you are looking down on me, and you are watching over me all the time. I miss you so much, and I truly wish you were around. I shall try to move on, but it will be extremely hard, the zest is not there anymore as I always think about you. I feel like a part of me has been ripped out of me, and no matter what I do, there will always be this gaping hole. I also know she is much better off where she is now. No pain, heart-ache or sorrow. I do think of a lot of things I would have liked to discuss with her, questions still unanswered and things I wish I had said. She had sacrificed her whole life for us but my heart aches to think that being her son, I have not being able to help her the day she died and I can never forgive myself. Sometimes I can be in a place just sitting there i’ll think of my mom. And I can feel a rock climbing from my stomach and embedding its sharp edges into my throat to the point where I feel I cannot breath, I become so wrapped up in the extreme pain & sense of losing my mom that everyone else around me seem to disappear.

Mummy, where are you? Why did you leave me?  I Love You. You will always be in my heart. I shall forever miss you…

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