Rantings of a Loner

I’ve been a loner for a long time now, so long infact that I am having a hard time remembering when was the last time I was with a beloved for a period of more than a few days or weeks. I was in love, more than once so to speak, quite some-time back. I thought it was for a life-time but it wasn’t to be. Am I in love now? Well, I would like to believe so, but it just gets tougher to stay alone like this, each day.

There have been times when I have wanted to be alone. Just wanted to be all by myself, but then there are times when I so long for a companion. Someone who would just be by my side. We would not complain, we wouldn’t argue, we would just be with each other, in good times and bad. We would just sit together without even talking, but enjoying each other’s presence and each other’s silence. We would travel together to places where we haven’t been to and just be lost, for I know if she would be with me, even as lame a thing as getting lost would perhaps be the most romantic thing to do.

We would just drive around town on late nights while old Hindi songs would play in the background, on the radio. And without saying a word, she would say a thousand things just by looking at me one glance. I long for that love. I long for that companionship. I feel haunted at times, by all this loneliness. Even God doesn’t know what would I give to have her by my side right now as I lie almost senseless, like a zombie on the bed and type my heart out.

I hope somewhere she is reading this and feeling the same. For I know, how much I love her and care for her and long for her to be here with me. They say, God has a plan for everybody but I say, if there is any God up there or wherever Gods are supposed to be, He doesn’t have ANY plans whatsoever for me, especially when it comes to matters of love or the heart. I have always been an utter failure at that, and from how things are progressing, I don’t see much hope but more heart-break and a life void of love, affection and care. Don’t I deserve to feel loved? Is wanting to be with someone whom you love a sin? Well, I think He would like to believe so, when it comes to me. And then they say, He has plans for everybody. Plans. What plans?

– A loner.

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Comments

  • Kavita Ganguly  On June 6, 2014 at 12:01 AM

    Mr Roy, i am so much in love with ur writing skills. You put your emotions so beautiful. Kudos!! I just pray soon you ll find your true love. God bless you. Stay happy. 🙂 🙂

    Like

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