The top 12 reasons I’m Afraid To Get Married

Once you are of the ‘right age’ for getting married (according to the society anyway), you would somehow start seeing that all your friends are swiftly getting married; it is all over your social news-feed all the time. And although marriage seems the norm, but it intimidates me big time. Weddings used to seem like fun and a pretty whimsical topic when I was 20 and at that time it felt so far off. And although, I might (or might not!) get married eventually, it’s become a LOT more terrifying now that I feel it’s all around me.

So, tonight when I just cannot sleep, I have penned down 12 top reasons why I am scared to get married some-day.

1. I love my independence: And although I understand the fact that you can still be independent when you get married, but it is a very fine & perhaps a pretty difficult balance to keep and you have to work at it every single day. I feel some of the strongest marriages are the ones where both the people maintain their independence while still working on a strong partnership. However, at the same time I worry about how difficult it would be to keep my own life while forming a new one with someone else.

2. It’s going to be a challenge every single day: You know, I would want my marriage so badly to work, but I also know that in the really tough moments, I’m going to have to fight through it instead of just plain giving up. I’ll need to admit when I’m wrong and hold my ground when I truly believe I’m right. You can read as many books or as many articles as you want but there is no specific answer to a ‘successful marriage’. Everybody’s different, and I know the only way to learn how to make it work is to just go ahead and do it. BUT, I am shit-scared!

3. I have to completely trust someone: I do not only need to trust my partner completely, but I need to count on her too. And she needs to count on me. I have to love her at her worst and she needs to love me at my worst. We would need to stick together when things are ugly instead of romantic. We would need to trust each other that we can rely on one another through anything. Which, I believe is everything I want and perhaps simultaneously the scariest thing in this entire planet.

4. I am scared of screwing it up: Because when it comes to marriage, there are abundant ways you can actually screw it up.

5. It’s not me anymore, it’s “our” story: It is something that I would want, but after so many years of telling just my story, it is a scary and somewhat intimidating thought to know that someone else is going to be a part of it for the rest of my life.

6. Getting comfortable with your partner can be wonderful, yet scary: Because, they know everything about you. That passion is there but it just doesn’t feel like that romantic love anymore. It is more like a solid, dependable, genuine love, which I really want but it is scary to think that once you are married, you’ll perhaps never experience that ‘falling in love with someone new’ ever again. Or may be I am wrong, I don’t know…

7. I want marriage & my partner to be my main priority but I don’t want it to dictate my life: There are so many other things that I would love to be, besides a husband and I know that I’m going to have to work very hard to make sure that those things actually happen. I think, the only way to make sure that a marriage works is to make sure that I don’t get distracted or disturbed by petty things – things like money and success and the social status, etc., all of it needs to take a back-seat to my partner. But, it is also equally important for me to make absolutely sure that in addition to a loving husband, I’d love or perhaps I AM a lot of other things – a son, a brother, a friend, a co-worker, or a boss, or even a role-model and a lot of other things that contribute to my sense of self.

8. I’m already having trouble figuring my own self and my life: And I know that marriage just means handling all that, as well as the life of your partner, not to mention kids if you plan to eventually have them. There are times I feel so confused and uncertain about who I am and what I’m doing that I feel completely overwhelmed by this entire discussion of getting married. The idea of handling myself and my confused life while trying to build a new life with someone else is a lot to think about.

9. Give and Take: That is what marriage is all about, I think. It’s about balancing and sharing the challenges and working at it together. Sometimes, one person is weak and the other person will have to be the one to carry all the strain and vice-versa. I know that when I’m going through something, my future wife will be there to help me carry the load. And I know that when she’s under stress, I will want to do everything I can to help her. I just sometimes worry that my strength might be inadequate.

10. You have to be selfless: And trust me when I say, it’s really really REALLY hard. It is so easy to just say the words and hide behind them. “Be Selfless”. “Put the other person first”. “Make it a team effort and not an individual effort”. But the hardest part is to put these words into action. I have understood the fact that marriage means sacrifice, but it scares me to know that there are things I’m going to have to do that I don’t perhaps want to do. I realize that if I’m going to expect her to make adjustments to put me first, I will have to do the same. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

11. I only want to do this once: I understand completely, that divorce is a part of reality and that plenty of people do not have any other choice and that sometimes it is a neccessary part of life. But, for me it will be just once. I want to be with that ONE person for the rest of my life. But, there’s no guarantee. You can do literally everything in your power to make your marriage work and to make sure it lasts but there’s no magic wand to make sure that it does. You just need to take the leap of faith.

12. I won’t look or be the same person now in 20 years: Or even 15. Or even 10. And neither will my future wife. The person you marry today won’t be the person you’re married to years down the line – physically or mentally or emotionally. Marriage is a gamble. You’re gambling that your love for the person you marry will grow and adapt as your partner grows and adapts. It’s up to you how to handle the change, but it’s still scary nonetheless.

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