Always to Blame, I am the Trigger

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing can ever erase the things you say to another human being, let alone your significant other. You can try, for years, to wipe certain slates clean but take it from me, when it comes to hurtful words which includes words that you must have spat out in the heat of some argument or insults you did not mean at all, you will regret them for the rest of your life. I know it because I have been on both sides of the fence – I’ve said stuff that I did not mean, and I have definitely heard stuff which are etched clearly in the memory, and as much as I’ve tried to wipe everything off, it just comes back to haunt me again & again.

Most of the days I am an ok person, but there are days when I get jealous, I get possessive (especially for the one I love with my heart & soul) and yes, I have said things which I neither meant literally, nor should I have said them in the first place. But, I have also heard and gotten to know how bad a person I am, and maybe it is true, after all. Maybe I am a bad human being; somebody who does not deserve love, compassion, or even a life-partner. I think now I get it. Finally. My first partner decided it was better to cheat on me, than to discuss things with me that were bothering her. My second relationship also did not work out for myriad reasons, and I now have come to believe, no matter how many relationships I have, none will work out.

I think finally I have realized the fact that I am meant to be alone, & lonely. For the one I loved dearly feels strongly that I do not deserve love nor do I deserve anyone who would be faithful to me. But, if there is one piece of advice that I would like to give out to everyone who’s in love & who is in a relationship, it would be this -just think before you speak. Always. Each time. If you are one of those guys (or girls) who is cool or calm all the time no matter what is being said to them, then you have got nothing to worry about when it comes to the absolute number 1 mistake that people generally do in a relationship.

But, if you do have that certain switch inside your mind that is flicked at times, especially when you are overwhelmed, hurt, outmatched or whatever, then, I would say just get help or do something about it. I cannot say it enough; think before you speak out those words. Really THINK before you speak. Breathe. Walk away. But just don’t say things that hurt, alright? Because, you’ll ever be able to undo what you’ve said. Ever. I understand, you believe you are so tough and all that and you think you’ll be just fine, free as a bird, and dating other girls (or guys) and all, but buddy, you have no idea; you’ve no idea how being abandoned by the one you loved the most in your life, feels. I have lost the one I loved so dearly, I wouldn’t want this to happen with anyone of you…Ever.


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