Tag Archives: anxiety

Can Depressed People Love

As someone who have had deep depression, let me say that with a resounding “YES”, we can and do love. Love is as important to us as to anyone else. At times when I have been suicidal, it has kept me from committing the act of killing myself. I loved either my family or someone very specific too much to put them through the inevitable horror of finding my dead, lifeless body and the impossible “Why?” that follows.

Having seen the aftermath of suicides in families, I know I could not hurt my loved ones like that. That does not mean I was somehow better than people who do kill themselves. It’s just that fortunately I have seen and felt the circumstances where people are abnormally sensitive to depression, as such I have yet to have an episode or bout of depression so severe that it robs me of my capacity to logically think out my actions and consider alternatives. In other circumstances I may have killed myself, and the possibility that I could one day do it, is never off the table.

One thing to remember about a person with depression is that they are someone with a disease. Think of it like diabetes, but for the brain. Some people do not know they have it. Unless a depressed person has some other problem inhibiting the capacity to form deep connections, they are capable of, and do have relationships.

However, it’s important to remember, a depressed brain is not a logical one, and it is also inherently self-centered. I hate that term because it has a moral judgement tied to it, but it is true. That’s how depression affects the brain. It makes it much, much harder to feel for the sadness of others. In my experience, during a deep bout of sadness, you view other people as more capable than you of feeling joy, and so if they are sad it’s a passing state, where as yours is perpetual because you reach an emotionally “grey” state. It’s very hard to explain. You don’t become sad. It’s almost like emotional television static going on all the time. Sadness can be overcome, but bad depression is like an emotional void. Empty but negative.

I’m giving you this as a frame of reference, since it’s what I as a depressed person know. But everyone has different experiences. It’s very, very hard for someone in a severe suicidal bout to be supportive of loved ones, or receptive to love.

Depressed people do love, and we need love to survive. It can’t always keep us from our darkest places, and if we do make sad decisions like suicide, it genuinely has nothing to do with the lack of love. We are just people fighting battles you cannot always see or guess.

Some of us can hide things astoundingly well. Sometimes we win our battles, sometimes, we lose. It depends on the person, but yes, we are like other people and we love, but sometimes our illnesses can rob us of our capacity to cognitively recognize or express that… πŸ’ž

Brewing Romance…

It’s a hot summers Wednesday evening. She is sitting in this beautiful little coffee shop. It’s probably her alone time after office or something, I couldn’t tell, really.

She hears him before she sees him. The door opens. The tiny bell hung above it rings, signaling his presence. She looks up from her Cappuccino and laptop at the soft noise and the burst of air coming through. She stops her work, almost spilling her hot coffee all over her in the process.
He takes off his shoulder bag and looks around. His dark-rimmed glasses make him seem just a bit more sophisticated than he perhaps really is. He has taken on the style of the big metropolitian city after all.

He walks up to the barista and orders his coffee of choice. She couldn’t hear him well enough to really decipher what he likes to drink. His eyes scan around the seemingly empty coffee shop, feeling as if someone is watching him. His gaze falls upon her, observing him from across the room. His eyes look at her for a second or two and then move on.

His name is suddenly called by the barista and their staring contest finally breaks…

Today & Everyday – I miss you, mummy

miss_you_mom

 

 

Dear Mummy,

I don’t really know why am I writing this letter to you, but it is the only way I can let you know my feelings, and perhaps this is the only way I can say things to you which I always wanted to say to you but could never really say.

 

This hasn’t happened for a long time now. Whenever I have seen you in my dreams, I have always seen you looking at me with a smiling face. But last night, I saw you looking at me and crying incessantly as if you were sad about something. I wanted to ask you why are you sad, I wanted to speak to you but I could not.

Not a single day has passed by since you’ve left that I have not thought about you. Each day I think how nice it would be talk to you again, mummy. There are days when I just pick up my cell-phone, see your number and just dial it just to see your name being dialed on the phone screen. I know & remember how you passed away all of a sudden 2 years back, and since then nothing has ever been the same. Oh, how I’d love to see you again & talk to you, just that one more time.

Mummy, I miss you bad. I love you. You are and shall always be the most beautiful woman I have ever known in my life. I never told you this, but that’s the fact. You always made the good times even better and the bad times not so bad. There are times I feel I can hear you calling my name, and it seems like you never left. Because you shall always be with me.

I can now see so clearly, you are the only woman in my life who loved me so unconditionally, who loved me & adored me for who I really am. You really loved me more than your own self.

But, the fact remains. I miss you every single day of my life. I have been left all alone since the day you went away. I have not been the same since…

Miss you…


Shop Now

%d bloggers like this: