Tag Archives: life

Why Am I Unhappy?

Why do you think it‰’s like that? It‰’s because the majority of people on this planet don‰’t understand the psychology behind happiness. People believe that happiness is acquired from gaining things and that happiness is directly correlated with what they do in their lives. They feel that happiness is just like the other cause and effects in this world, and that a certain thing that they acquire or gain will in effect bring them happiness. They are so wrong. Happiness is something which is not quantifiable. You can be the richest person on earth or the poorest yet your levels of happiness could be the same. The reason why? Happiness is a mentality it isn‰’t something which can be bought or purchased, it‰’s something which must be learnt and cultured; it‰’s all in your head.

This takes us to the question of the article: You are not happy in your life, only because you choose to be unhappy. It isn‰’t because of your failures or because of your losses, you are unhappy because of your perspective. You are unhappy because you are looking at life with the wrong lens. You must grasp the concept that happiness is a mentality and that only you have control over whether you are happy or not. So what now? Well it‰’s time to bring a revolution in your life. You must prioritize and put happiness at the top of your list. You must realize that knowingly or unknowingly the thing that drives everybody in life is the pursuit for true happiness. This is now your moment to take control of your life. Change your perception and look at life with a big perspective. Realize what makes you happy and pursue it.

Understand the phycology of happiness, understand your psychology and before you know it you will be happy again.

Advertisements

Connaught on an Monsoon Evening

It is not often that it rains so much in Delhi, the capital of this beautiful country, India.

But this year’s monsoon thus far has been a majestic one with non-stop rains for the past 48 hours almost and boy, I’m not complaining. I’ve been feeling happy, and content within and trust me when I say, the weather has got a huge role to play. You see, most people love sunshine, summers, etc. Not that I loathe them myself but there is something really magical, something majestic about the monsoons which just takes my breath away in an instant.

And then there is photography. I love how the rains provide us with some amazing chance to photograph everything around us. You don’t need a hefty DSLR to always get the shot. A mere cell-phone these days is capable of creating some amazing pictures.

I hope this spell continues for a few more days, for India is predominantly a country where summer rules the roost, so to speak. So, monsoons, you’re more than welcome to stay as long as you like, love. 🙂

image

Connaught Place on an monsoon evening- by Bobby Roy

image

New Delhi monsoon - by Bobby Roy

image

Hauz Khas on an monsoon evening - by Bobby Roy

image

Droplets - by Bobby Roy

image

Monsoon reflections - by Bobby Roy

Miss you mother

image

I was browsing the internet looking for something, some words to relieve me of the pain that I feel tonight. I feel so lonely, like I’ve never felt before. I truly believe every word that is being said above in the image. Losing mother is permanent and something that just cannot be expressed in mere words. It is a wound that would never quite heal.

Mom, if you’re looking at me, please bless me. I need your blessings, love and everything that you had for me, for in you I had found the secret of happiness.

I miss you, mother…

God’s Existence – the Belief

Wouldn’t you, for once, love for someone to simply show you the evidence for God’s existence? No arm-twisting. No statements of, “You just have to believe.”

But first consider this. When it comes to the possibility of God’s existence, they say there are people who have seen sufficient evidence, but they have suppressed the truth about God. On the other hand, for those who want to know God if he is there, he says, “You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you.” Before you look at the facts surrounding God’s existence, ask yourself, If God does exist, would I want to know him?

If you are wondering why am I talking in such a philosophical manner today, it is only because earlier this evening I accompanied a friend of mine to ISCKON Temple, a really big and perhaps one of its kind temple dedicated to Lord Krishna. And as I entered the premises, I was overwhelmed to see the number of people who were there, everywhere – in long que, on the lawns just relaxing after paying their respects, priests all over and devotees seeking the blessings of lord Krishna.

It was just heart-warming and overwhelming for me to see the amount of devotion that these people have. It is very humid and the weather hasn’t been kind since the past few weeks, but that does not deter people from gathering in huge number everyday to pray.

For someone who doesn’t quite believe in God, I was awe-struck, and couldn’t believe the sheer number of devotees inside the temple premises in one single time, with a long que waiting for their chance to get inside the temple and pay their respects to lord Krishna.

As I snapped a few photographs with my mobile phone, I just kept wondering all this time – does He really exist? Is he really listening to the millions of people who come here to pray each year, and if He really is blessing each one of us. I would never know…

Sharing a few pictures here, of the ISCKON Temple, New Delhi.

image

ISCKON Temple, New Delhi

image

ISCKON temple, New Delhi

image

ISCKON temple, New Delhi

image

ISCKON temple, New Delhi

Remembering Mom…

Today, I feel really sad. I don’t really know any other way how to start this blog entry than to just put it bluntly – I miss my mom. It has been 2 years that she passed away but I just cannot stop mourning. Nobody wants their parents to outlive their children, I am sure. The thought of any parent having to bury or burn their child is just so awful & bleak. Yet that doesn’t make it any more esy to lose your mom. My mom passed away two years back in a sudden heart-stroke. Yes, I know it has been 2 long years without her, but the feeling of bereavement is so intense that it’s virtually unbearable.

Watching mom die in my own arms was one of the most horrible experiences I have ever been throigh, though I am grateful for all the times I got to spend with her in the past 30 years. I haven’t been able to write so clearly about my emotions for her in my blog till now. Understandably, I am quite sad, which can also be a big motivation killer. That being said, having my work to concentrate on has been, shall I say, a welcome distraction.

Mom and I were close; although I have a elder brother but mom really and seriously loved me to the core. Because my dad travelled and worked when I was young, I spent most of my time growing up with her. We also shared similar personality traits, I believe including a little bit of sensitivity as well. I completely believe a lot of me is because of my mom. She was the most loving person I have ever known. She is perhaps the best example of “unconditional love” I have ever seen. There were times when she did struggle to make and keep friends but she never really complained about others and had always time for her family. There was this another amazing quality in her; she never pushed me to do things I really did not want to do. As a small kid, I was kind of shy, and a shy kid doesn’t really want to do many things outside by himself. However, there are times I wish she would have pushed me a little harder to do things; maybe I would’ve been a different person altogether, I don’t know.

The day she passed away, I was out working and came home a little late. As I entered the house, she calmly looked at me and asked me to have dinner. I had no idea what was to come. The night did seem to pass by pretty quick and as I was preparing to just work a bit on my laptop, my father called out my name and said there was something wrong with mother. I rushed out of my room, and could see her gasping for air, and she couldn’t really speak. I held her in my arms, while my brother called an ambulance. I took a glass of water and she had one sip before she completely collapsed in my arms. I wasn’t sure at all how to identify death, or I couldn’t believe that she was gone. So, I picked up her hand. It was lifeless, I looked at her face and she looked absolutely lifeless. At that very moment, it stuck me; mom was gone. Forever.

I am, to this day, still coming to terms with what happened. Mom was like that safety blanket growing up as all moms are. Ofcourse, as I grew older, I became more independent and in many ways I started to look after mom like she used to look after me. But, I can sense a change in my after she passed away. I know I am a changed man. She calmed me, when I used to get restless, she loved me without any condition whatsoever and she genuinely thought good about me no matter what the situation was. Since the day she passed away, I am having a hard time even beginning a new phase of life as mom ended her time on this planet. All she ever wanted was for me to be happy, and as I type these lines, my eyes are moist and these tears roll down my cheek. God, I miss her.

I am glad of the fact that she did not have to suffer and was gone in an instant. But, then again, on an personal level, I am sad that she would never be able to see my wife, or her grand-children as all she wanted was for me to get married to a nice girl. This, for me is one of the hardest things to come to term with, that I was not really able to make her happy. Or proud.

Seeing a loved one die infront of your eyes is the most surreal experiences I could ever have. I want to talk to my mom on days, and there are nights I just cannot sleep at all. I want to talk to her and tell her everything about my life that has happened ever since she left me because I would talk to her for anything in life.

You know, to wake up knowing that someone who was always there for you is not there anymore is about as devastating as life gets, besides facing your very own mortality. I cannot keep this a secret anymore, that I have thought about death a lot many times since she left me. I thought about death even last night; but I know she would probably like me to be happy. And I would like to believe she is watching me from above.

Everybody around me believes that I am a bad human being, for I hurt people and say things that I do not always mean. I think my mom’s death has changed me drastically, the entire experience has changed me. All I would like to say at this moment is that one should live life like it was the last day of their life and you may not have as many days as you thought, but that’s not what I really feel. I feel that death is perhaps more closer to me than I have ever felt before. I do not mean to count days, and all that but what I mean is that it is so real. It’s more present now, more solid than ever before.

Till death takes me into her arms, I would try and distract myself with things that I love – photography, a lot of travelling, writing and just be in love with the one woman that I have always loved, no matter she failed to understand and feels that I am the worst person in this entire world.

Chance & Mystery – the Mystery Woman

At some point of time or another, I am sure it has happened with all of us. There is that certain random number that pops up wherever you go – hotel room, airline terminals, street addresses — it’s haunting presence cannot be escaped. Or you are driving around merrily in your car, absently humming a certain song and you switch on the radio and bang! There is that exact song now playing in the radio, and a sudden chill prickles your spine. Sheer co-incidence, you tell yourself. Or is it, really?

Why am I talking about co-incidences & chance encounters, etc. you ask? Well, a friend of mine recently went through a really tough time; more of a personal crisis in her life. She was looking out for signs of something positive, anything that would help her, or offer her a ray of hope or some sort of “light”, so to speak. One fine evening as she decided to go out for some coffee, she met a woman at this regular coffee shop who began talking to her and she actually started speaking about the various trials & tribulations of life with this friend of mine.

The woman spoke about gratitude, courage and at the end of it all, it was more of a monologue of life. She (my friend) clearly remembers what she said to her, “Everybody in this world, each one of us goes through tough times in life. All you need to do is think positive, be positive and fill your life with positive people.” With these words uttered, this particular woman just got up and left. The amazing part is, my friend had not shared a single word about her own difficulties or about her own life to this woman, yet, this woman made sure she felt positive.

Chance? Or mystery maybe? Perhaps one. Maybe both. It was just a chance encounter, an unlikely meeting of two people at a coffee shop that happened quite some-time ago. Was it meant to be? Was it a sheer coincidence? I would never know; and neither would she (my friend).

But the more interesting thing is that this encounter actually provided the positivity that this friend of mine needed in her life to move ahead, and pick herself up. On subsequent occasions, she went back to this coffee shop, sat there for hours hoping to meet this woman again. But, she never showed up. To this day, she remains the “mystery woman”.

Always to Blame, I am the Trigger

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing can ever erase the things you say to another human being, let alone your significant other. You can try, for years, to wipe certain slates clean but take it from me, when it comes to hurtful words which includes words that you must have spat out in the heat of some argument or insults you did not mean at all, you will regret them for the rest of your life. I know it because I have been on both sides of the fence – I’ve said stuff that I did not mean, and I have definitely heard stuff which are etched clearly in the memory, and as much as I’ve tried to wipe everything off, it just comes back to haunt me again & again.

Most of the days I am an ok person, but there are days when I get jealous, I get possessive (especially for the one I love with my heart & soul) and yes, I have said things which I neither meant literally, nor should I have said them in the first place. But, I have also heard and gotten to know how bad a person I am, and maybe it is true, after all. Maybe I am a bad human being; somebody who does not deserve love, compassion, or even a life-partner. I think now I get it. Finally. My first partner decided it was better to cheat on me, than to discuss things with me that were bothering her. My second relationship also did not work out for myriad reasons, and I now have come to believe, no matter how many relationships I have, none will work out.

I think finally I have realized the fact that I am meant to be alone, & lonely. For the one I loved dearly feels strongly that I do not deserve love nor do I deserve anyone who would be faithful to me. But, if there is one piece of advice that I would like to give out to everyone who’s in love & who is in a relationship, it would be this -just think before you speak. Always. Each time. If you are one of those guys (or girls) who is cool or calm all the time no matter what is being said to them, then you have got nothing to worry about when it comes to the absolute number 1 mistake that people generally do in a relationship.

But, if you do have that certain switch inside your mind that is flicked at times, especially when you are overwhelmed, hurt, outmatched or whatever, then, I would say just get help or do something about it. I cannot say it enough; think before you speak out those words. Really THINK before you speak. Breathe. Walk away. But just don’t say things that hurt, alright? Because, you’ll ever be able to undo what you’ve said. Ever. I understand, you believe you are so tough and all that and you think you’ll be just fine, free as a bird, and dating other girls (or guys) and all, but buddy, you have no idea; you’ve no idea how being abandoned by the one you loved the most in your life, feels. I have lost the one I loved so dearly, I wouldn’t want this to happen with anyone of you…Ever.


Shop Now

Be Real. Be You.

Perfection

Last night, late night, I got a phone-call from somebody whom I haven’t heard in years. As she sobbed on the other end of the phone, I couldn’t help but really wonder what had happened to her, why was she just crying and not telling me anything. What had happened so grave that all she could think of was calling me,after almost 16 years of no contact. As she started talking after crying her heart out (I did not try to stop her or console her in between), I could see clearly what had happened. Her parents were getting her married off to someone whom they thought was “perfect” for her, and not to somebody whom she really cared & loved. And since she had been connected to me through Facebook (and other means), and I’ve known her for more than half of my life, and she loved me to bits when we were together back in school, she thought it apt to just call me and speak her heart out, and don’t get judged in the process.

After she hung up the phone-call after speaking to me for a good 35 odd minutes I think, I kept wondering till 5 in the morning. Am I the only one who feels that perfection is fast becoming a disease? It is not only a disease, it is absolute mayhem, I tell you. It’s a grave sickness that I’ve struggled with, it’s a disease which has struck us all from time to time. And I am sure, there are more than a fair share of you who have been hit by “perfection”. I don’t know how exactly to define perfection, but I just know this for sure, there is nothing called “perfect” that exists in this world.

Perhaps, “perfection” is a wife who feels stuck in a marriage to a angry, over-protective, abusive husband but she cannot tell this truth to anybody but herself. “You know”, she says, “my husband called me a whore & a bitch last week but he is a nice guy otherwise.”

Perfection can also be a friend you have who has some sort of an addiction which he likes to call as ‘perfection’ and ‘a mode to relax’. This friend of yours generally likes to believe that nobody else could understand his point of view about how this is not an addiction but a ‘medicine’, a perfect way to relax the mind & soul.

“Perfection” is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. I’m speaking this from my personal experience, from what I have seen happening with my own mom.What my mother never knew was that these “other moms” might just be alone at home crying because of this immense pressure to remain perfect in the society.

This friend of mine who called me up last night wanted to be ‘perfect’. It was as if she was overwhelmed; so overwhelmed infact that she wanted to kill herself out of the pressure. She said, she thinks about killing herself daily, but she never could muster up the courage to do it as she was worried what people will think if she did commit suicide. She even spoke to me about how could she make her suicide look like an accident. She said, “If I kill myself, I would never like anybody to know that I ever had problems. You are the only one whom I am confiding it in.” She never really seemed to tell me the exact reasons as to why she doesn’t want to live, or why she doesn’t want to heal because she felt perhaps, healing would mean anything but perfect.

I also feel, at times, perfection is somebody who is looked upto as an idol or an “ideal man”, a “role model” but inside he is screaming his heart out to be seen at the faults that he actually has. Perfection is like a woman having an affair because she is too afraid to confront all the imperfections in her marriage, or leave, as she is worried about how the society would look at her as “imperfect” or a “failure”.

You know what? You must get up, and embrace your weaknesses. Accept the fact that we aren’t perfect; your body isn’t perfect, you are not the only one who feels worthless some-times. You aren’t the only one who is by Info” href=”#56152853″> not making enough money to support your own-self or your family. Or, you are not the only one who feels trapped in a relationship or marriage. I’ve always loved listening to everybody. For some reason, people like to talk to me, maybe because I like listening to them without questioning them. Or maybe because I’ve almost always been honest with them about who I actually am, and eventually they have begun to be their actual selves with me.

This happens with each one of us, and we must learn to embrace it. Fully. At that very moment, when she was crying her heart out, all I wanted to do was put my arms around her and make her comfortable. Tell her that nothing in life is worth dying for. NOTHING. Maybe she’ll read this and understand it all. Maybe she would make choices that would make her happy, eventually. And I will be happy for her. Genuniely happy.

The ‘cure’ for ‘perfection’, if there can be any, is very simple, really. You just need to be yourself. Be Real. Everything else will eventually fall into place…


Shop Now

The Last Farewell

It frustrates me that this is the only way I can convey my thoughts to you- not knowing if you will ever see this, but I had to give it one last shot. Chances are, if you are reading this, you understand the fact that I love writing my feelings down. 

I have the slightest bit of lingering hope that something will lead you to this site, your eyes to these words, and your mind back to what we used to be. I just want you to think back for a second to the way you felt that night I first kissed you. Remember how we lay together without really talking much? I remember thinking life could not possibly become any better for me than it was in that very moment.  I remember clearly how beautiful you looked and how those eyes had the most beautiful sparkle. I remember the way your hand felt in mine and how it lightly trembled because you were nervous.  It didn’t last but for a few minutes, but I want you to know I would go through the pain of you breaking my heart all over again just feel what I felt in those few minutes.

Although it seemed, at times, as if we were rock solid and nothing could divide us, the truth is, we were fragile. Every “I love you”, “I’m so happy with you”, “I’m in love with you” seemed to be another brick to the wall between us and the world. Little did I know, this solid wall would be broken. It’s okay, though.   We had our time, our moment in time where we shined, and I would not take anything in the world for it. For whatever reason, you saw it best for me not to be a part of your future, or perhaps it is me who feels unloved and so bloody insecure. I couldn’t have given you the world, my love, but, I swear I would have made you feel like the only person in it.  Our time came to an end long before my love did, but I want you to know that I am eternally grateful to you for giving me the best time of my life.

So, I guess this is my last goodbye. I will never forget the way you made my heart feel for the short time we loved each other. I lived – while you loved me. I have to do what’s best for me now. I have to focus on making the best out of what life has given me. 

I have to let you go.  Wow! That was the hardest line to type! Goodbye, beautiful.  Don’t forget about me.  If God decided to take me from this world, please know in your heart that you were loved with everything in my being.  I wish you all the happiness life can offer. We could not say goodbye to each other, but I am very bad at farewells. So, take this as my final goodbye…

I love you. Always.

– Me


Shop Now

Today & Everyday – I miss you, mummy

miss_you_mom

 

 

Dear Mummy,

I don’t really know why am I writing this letter to you, but it is the only way I can let you know my feelings, and perhaps this is the only way I can say things to you which I always wanted to say to you but could never really say.

 

This hasn’t happened for a long time now. Whenever I have seen you in my dreams, I have always seen you looking at me with a smiling face. But last night, I saw you looking at me and crying incessantly as if you were sad about something. I wanted to ask you why are you sad, I wanted to speak to you but I could not.

Not a single day has passed by since you’ve left that I have not thought about you. Each day I think how nice it would be talk to you again, mummy. There are days when I just pick up my cell-phone, see your number and just dial it just to see your name being dialed on the phone screen. I know & remember how you passed away all of a sudden 2 years back, and since then nothing has ever been the same. Oh, how I’d love to see you again & talk to you, just that one more time.

Mummy, I miss you bad. I love you. You are and shall always be the most beautiful woman I have ever known in my life. I never told you this, but that’s the fact. You always made the good times even better and the bad times not so bad. There are times I feel I can hear you calling my name, and it seems like you never left. Because you shall always be with me.

I can now see so clearly, you are the only woman in my life who loved me so unconditionally, who loved me & adored me for who I really am. You really loved me more than your own self.

But, the fact remains. I miss you every single day of my life. I have been left all alone since the day you went away. I have not been the same since…

Miss you…


Shop Now

%d bloggers like this: