Tag Archives: lifeisgood

Hallucinating…

Tonight, I tried it, but failed miserably at it. Am I a coward? Perhaps. I don’t know whether there is anything known as an “easy death”, but I think death is not really the end of the suffering. I understand and totally know that this brings with it a lot of unanswered questions & a lot of unsaid answers to the family, friends and whoever that might have known you, but there are moments when it all just gets a little too much to handle.

Things haven’t been too well. Life hasn’t been well, but then again whose life is? It feels like a struggle each day from the moment I wake up till the time I sleep, it feels like a chore… Don’t know how long this will go on for. I’m not even sure how long would I be able to hold on for.

Am I hallucinating?

Sad…Hopeless…Worthless…

It feels like I am drowning, except everyone around me is breathing. The pain comes in waves & keeps piercing my mind and dragging me down to the depths, almost choking me.

I don’t know or understand if this is how sadness or depression feels like, but this is exactly how I feel. I’m lucky that I have that ability to pen down how I feel, in words. But, this deep sadness, this deep sense of loss has hit me hard. If you meet me, I might not even come out as a person who can be or who is, infact, terribly sad and broken from within. On the contrary, you might feel, I am one of the most happiest persons you’ve ever met!

From what I know, depression isn’t something tangible. You see, when you’re physically hurt, you can see the injury, treat it and hopefully be done with it. But, it isn’t the case with mental hurt. It stays and buries deep down into your psyche, and then slowly hits you, takes you into its stride, grabs you and just doesn’t let you go.

I don’t understand it, nor do I wish to fight it anymore. I’m tired. All I seeked was companionship, love and a little bit of affection. But that shall never be the case with my life, with me. Never. I know now, for sure. I’m absolutely sure…

My fate, whatever be it, I am accepting it for this is how life is perhaps deciding to treat me…

Until we meet again…

#LifeofAPhotographer – a short insight (vlog) into my professional life…

 

#LifeofAPhotographer – As a part of this week’s video, I wanted to share a little glimpse of my life as a working full-time photographer. It is the general perception of public at large that all a photographer does is “click a button” apart from travelling to exotic locations, staying in 5-star properties, and just generally having fun. Well, ofcourse that is ALSO a part & parcel of such an amazing “job”, if I will. But, as you’d probably watch in this video, it is much more than just that. It is about travelling during odd hours, sleeping late nights (or in my case not sleeping at all!) and rushing back to the home-city for another shoot and client meet.

Do “Subscribe” to my YouTube channel for weekly updates, if you like the video or like what you see in my channel. 🙂

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