Tag Archives: lost

I failed. Again!

img_0274.jpg

 

Tonight, I had slept early. Maybe I was tired or just wanted to rest, I am not sure. But, I fell asleep with the phone in my hand as is generally the case. If I am home, the phone is my friend and gives me constant company when I am not working. And then, an email notification suddenly woke me about 15 minutes back.

I failed tonight. Again. For the Nth time in my life, and each time I fail I lose a little bit of me. You see, a big project that I was working on and was absolutely sure I shall get to do, slipped through my hand tonight. Those 5 lines of email jolted me out of my peaceful sleep like an earthquake would! It’s not that such things haven’t happened in the past. Being in the creative industry, I have faced such failures time & again, but each time it happens, it feels like the first time. The result, essentially, is always the same – every time you fall short of achieving your goal, I fall back and go into deep self-critical role. And THEN, it becomes absolutely impossible and difficult to let go of all that negativity – the negative energy that I feel right at this moment about it all as I pen these words down (or rather, type this down).

As demotivated as I am right now, I think I need to boost my morale by building self-acceptance and through this blog post, I want to help everyone who has ever been through failure in their respective lives. I think, when we hold a negative perception of ourselves, Β it is not surprising to feel lost, defeated and like a huge failure in life. Each obstacle, mistake or failure can seem like proof of what we already know, that we won’t succeed and that it is not okay. What we need to do when we feel demotivated or depressed is we need to learn to give priority to ourselves and value ourselves We need to focus on valuing who we are and NOT what you do.

During all these years working as a creative professional, I’ve also come to realize that when we look to our accomplishments for validations of whether we are “worthy” or not, our sense of feeling good about ourselves depends completely on those achievements of life, which, frankly speaking, is a little too harsh.

Yes, I feel terribly upset tonight, yes, I feel dejected & like I’ve failed big time but I also know that with self-acceptance and identifying the issues, I will be fine. I would, at this point in time, love to brag about having truly supportive & compassionate friends but truth be told – they are more like ‘acquaintances’ than friends; I have absolutely NO true friends whom I can fully trust or be open with about my issues. It’s not that I don’t have “friends”. But, those who really care are only a few (less than the number of fingers I have on one hand!). πŸ™‚

At the end of the day, after some thought, self-pity and what not, I have come to realize that persistence is the key to anything in life, and each time I fail, I somehow motivate myself by different means after I am done feeling dejected. This time too, I need to do the same. I need to be persistent. With persistence, no matter what my goals are, I shall increase my chances of achieving them in life…

In the Jungle amidst Nature

I have been pondering about this for quite a while now, and perhaps I’ll take a step towards the positive direction.

Recently, on one of my travels to a distant and off beat place in the Himalayas, I discovered a beautiful cottage by the road-side which was abandoned, and nobody seemed to be around. The village itself is a very small one, with a population count on two digits. And then it stuck me; I have been wanting to go to the Himalayas and just stay there for an indefinite period of time and just…be there.

You know what I mean? Just do the stuff that I always have wanted to do. Be in the middle of nature, photograph, write, and just do nothing. I need to experience such “nothingness” for in this urban jungle, I have completely lost the sense of being alone. O lonely, I sure am, but being alone and all by yourself is an entirely different feeling altogether.

Below, I am sharing a few pictures from my recent travel, and just look at the kind of solitude that places like this provide. Rest assured, very soon, I shall be off to such a place up in the hills. Where, I don’t know, for I haven’t decided yet. I shall ofcourse let everyone know about my whereabouts through Facebook, Instagram & ofcourse this blog of mine. πŸ™‚

image

Nainital Uttarakhand

image

Sigri Uttarakhand

image

Sigri Jungle Trails

image

Pangot Nainital


Shop Now

%d bloggers like this: