Tag Archives: psychology

Sad…Hopeless…Worthless…

It feels like I am drowning, except everyone around me is breathing. The pain comes in waves & keeps piercing my mind and dragging me down to the depths, almost choking me.

I don’t know or understand if this is how sadness or depression feels like, but this is exactly how I feel. I’m lucky that I have that ability to pen down how I feel, in words. But, this deep sadness, this deep sense of loss has hit me hard. If you meet me, I might not even come out as a person who can be or who is, infact, terribly sad and broken from within. On the contrary, you might feel, I am one of the most happiest persons you’ve ever met!

From what I know, depression isn’t something tangible. You see, when you’re physically hurt, you can see the injury, treat it and hopefully be done with it. But, it isn’t the case with mental hurt. It stays and buries deep down into your psyche, and then slowly hits you, takes you into its stride, grabs you and just doesn’t let you go.

I don’t understand it, nor do I wish to fight it anymore. I’m tired. All I seeked was companionship, love and a little bit of affection. But that shall never be the case with my life, with me. Never. I know now, for sure. I’m absolutely sure…

My fate, whatever be it, I am accepting it for this is how life is perhaps deciding to treat me…

Until we meet again…

All I Ever Need is a Little Love…

First of all thanks for taking the time to read this post. I come out as a very social, happy & outgoing person on the outside but on the inside, it is a completely different ball game altogether. I am currently really struggling a lot with recurrent depression. At the moment I’m finding it extremely hard trying to cope with the feelings of loneliness and isolation I am experiencing. This is really sad as I am quite a social person who has lots of “friends” but I feel very alone and unwanted.

I really struggle with a long-held belief that I will be alone forever, and that nobody could ever really love me for who I am. I really want love & affection. It just makes me very sad that I am so alone. I don’t want to be alone. I mean, who in their right mind enjoys being lonely. Right?

There have been days in the past week or so where I’ve had extreme struggle with sleeping, eating or anything in general. I’m losing interest in everything, by the day & I can feel it. I write down these things here don’t know why. But maybe because I want to get these feelings out but sadly there is not a single person right now with whom I can speak about it.

I just want to be heard, loved and feel cared for. Which, like I am realizing now is very hard, I guess. Tears are rolling down my eyes as I type these words, I feel a deep sense of disappointment & feel like a failure when it comes to my personal life.

All I need is a little love…

Chance & Mystery – the Mystery Woman

At some point of time or another, I am sure it has happened with all of us. There is that certain random number that pops up wherever you go – hotel room, airline terminals, street addresses — it’s haunting presence cannot be escaped. Or you are driving around merrily in your car, absently humming a certain song and you switch on the radio and bang! There is that exact song now playing in the radio, and a sudden chill prickles your spine. Sheer co-incidence, you tell yourself. Or is it, really?

Why am I talking about co-incidences & chance encounters, etc. you ask? Well, a friend of mine recently went through a really tough time; more of a personal crisis in her life. She was looking out for signs of something positive, anything that would help her, or offer her a ray of hope or some sort of “light”, so to speak. One fine evening as she decided to go out for some coffee, she met a woman at this regular coffee shop who began talking to her and she actually started speaking about the various trials & tribulations of life with this friend of mine.

The woman spoke about gratitude, courage and at the end of it all, it was more of a monologue of life. She (my friend) clearly remembers what she said to her, “Everybody in this world, each one of us goes through tough times in life. All you need to do is think positive, be positive and fill your life with positive people.” With these words uttered, this particular woman just got up and left. The amazing part is, my friend had not shared a single word about her own difficulties or about her own life to this woman, yet, this woman made sure she felt positive.

Chance? Or mystery maybe? Perhaps one. Maybe both. It was just a chance encounter, an unlikely meeting of two people at a coffee shop that happened quite some-time ago. Was it meant to be? Was it a sheer coincidence? I would never know; and neither would she (my friend).

But the more interesting thing is that this encounter actually provided the positivity that this friend of mine needed in her life to move ahead, and pick herself up. On subsequent occasions, she went back to this coffee shop, sat there for hours hoping to meet this woman again. But, she never showed up. To this day, she remains the “mystery woman”.

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