Tag Archives: relationship

Calling It Quits – Emotional Hurt

Why do you think, we don’t quite like most people. I think most of us don’t really value or like most people and that in itself is pretty amazing if you come to seriously think about it.

All this like and dislike is something which I do not quite understand clearly, if you ask me. You see, when we talk about liking or disliking someone, we do not really say that the particular person is likeable or not. Rather, we say, “I like that person”, or “I dislike that person.” So, essentially, it reflects more about us rather than the person we are talking about, I feel. Ofcourse, there might be reasons we have for liking or disliking someone or anything for that matter, but the fact remains that it tells more about us than them.

Most of the times, I have seen people confusing good-bad with likeable-not likeable when in reality, these are two different concepts. Yes, there are people in this world who like bad, maybe because bad or simply being bad gives them some sort of sadistic pleasure.

I am talking about all this tonight because I feel extremely emotional tonight and I am just trying to make some sense out of all that I feel within me. It is absolutely incredible that even the smallest of things can make us feel something so deep, emotionally. What is more incredible is the depth of emotions and how only other humans seem to be reciprocative of those emotions.

So, if some-day, your lover says something which hurts you or makes you feel bad or insulted, stop and think for a moment rather than reacting in the spur of the moment. Instead of simply hating your lover or partnee for showing your flaws or saying something that he/ she shouldn’t have, talk to him and ask him what the inert issue is. Look at it this way; a relatiomship is a partnership & partnership is only worth it when both the parties involved are working towards improvement and eventually further successes instead of name calling, cursing or abusing each other.

Lastly, I cannot say it enough; before you call it quits simply because you feel hurt or insulted,  think strongly about the person whom you’re throwing out or walking out on. Isn’t he/ she the best thing that could ever happen to you? Perhaps, yes and that is why you fell in love in the first place.

Always to Blame, I am the Trigger

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing can ever erase the things you say to another human being, let alone your significant other. You can try, for years, to wipe certain slates clean but take it from me, when it comes to hurtful words which includes words that you must have spat out in the heat of some argument or insults you did not mean at all, you will regret them for the rest of your life. I know it because I have been on both sides of the fence – I’ve said stuff that I did not mean, and I have definitely heard stuff which are etched clearly in the memory, and as much as I’ve tried to wipe everything off, it just comes back to haunt me again & again.

Most of the days I am an ok person, but there are days when I get jealous, I get possessive (especially for the one I love with my heart & soul) and yes, I have said things which I neither meant literally, nor should I have said them in the first place. But, I have also heard and gotten to know how bad a person I am, and maybe it is true, after all. Maybe I am a bad human being; somebody who does not deserve love, compassion, or even a life-partner. I think now I get it. Finally. My first partner decided it was better to cheat on me, than to discuss things with me that were bothering her. My second relationship also did not work out for myriad reasons, and I now have come to believe, no matter how many relationships I have, none will work out.

I think finally I have realized the fact that I am meant to be alone, & lonely. For the one I loved dearly feels strongly that I do not deserve love nor do I deserve anyone who would be faithful to me. But, if there is one piece of advice that I would like to give out to everyone who’s in love & who is in a relationship, it would be this -just think before you speak. Always. Each time. If you are one of those guys (or girls) who is cool or calm all the time no matter what is being said to them, then you have got nothing to worry about when it comes to the absolute number 1 mistake that people generally do in a relationship.

But, if you do have that certain switch inside your mind that is flicked at times, especially when you are overwhelmed, hurt, outmatched or whatever, then, I would say just get help or do something about it. I cannot say it enough; think before you speak out those words. Really THINK before you speak. Breathe. Walk away. But just don’t say things that hurt, alright? Because, you’ll ever be able to undo what you’ve said. Ever. I understand, you believe you are so tough and all that and you think you’ll be just fine, free as a bird, and dating other girls (or guys) and all, but buddy, you have no idea; you’ve no idea how being abandoned by the one you loved the most in your life, feels. I have lost the one I loved so dearly, I wouldn’t want this to happen with anyone of you…Ever.

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Love is a Myth…

I did not fall for you all at once. Nor did I fall for you gradually. Rather, I fell for all the little things. Like the way you laughed mid kiss sometimes, and looked at me like you can’t believe what is happening. Or the way you reached over in your sleep and pulled me closer, like you cannot have enough of me. Or simply the way you looked at me when we laughed; laughing with you was my favorite activity.  But what you did not know is that I could never break your heart, because it is the most beautiful thing about you.

Tonight, what I so badly wanted you to see is that I am the guy who will be there for you when you need reminding how amazing you are, because life has you convinced otherwise. The guy who cherishes any time spent with you, simply because it is a chance to be near you.

I guess no word I say is good enough now because I could see tonight how much you hate me. I should’ve known…I’m not important enough to warrant a simple, quick text in a day saying you’re missing me or how much you love me. Rather, I guess it is ok to call once in a day in 3-4 days and eventually hanging up without even sorting anything out because you completely believe I am a bad human being. I now know I’m not important enough to stick around and wonder where this is going, because the answer is clearly a resounding “nowhere.” It echoes off the walls built by the silence you have placed between us quite a while ago.

I’m done waiting for a response, convincing myself that somewhere, even in the far back of your mind is a thought of me that will ring through as if someone is really missing the most loved person of their lives. But, I know I am not missed. I am not loved. I am just hated. Utterly despised. Maybe I am a bad human being after all who deserves to be hated by the one he loves the most. You deserve to be happy & so do I. Waiting around for something to never happen only promotes the stagnation of life, progression—it halts the future and what it has in store.

I have believed, for most of my life that the most important kind of love is the kind we most often neglect: self love. I gave that up too in my desperate search for love from you, and I lost the sight of who I am and what makes me happy. So instead of sitting around waiting for a text or a loving phone-call from you that will probably never ever come, I choose myself today.

I choose to wake up and remind myself that I am strong, and worthy of being loved the way I wanted to love you. Someday, I will get that kind of love from another person, someone who’d allow me to love them. Someone who would really accept me. And love me from their heart & soul.

All I can say is, I love you but I love myself enough to just walk away from the disrespect, the distrust and the hatred & bitterness that you have towards me.

Yes, I guess I am the worst human being you have ever known in your life. If that gives you peace & happiness, then, please be happy. God bless. 🙂

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Some People Are Not Supposed To Be Loved

I have been in a few relationships, but somehow I’ve had this feeling looming inside me that I’m perhaps not supposed to be with anyone. I never really thought about this topic this seriously but ever since I lost my mom 2 years back, all this discussion about love, care, et al has been really bothering me. I’ve eventually also come to realize that there might not be much point to anything ina life if one doesn’t really have love. I’m not at all an easy guy to be with, atleast that’s what the females have told me time and time again, and my friends bring up this topic from time to time, as in how come I’ve never been with one single female all my life up until now or how I’m not “settled” in my life.

But, in the past few weeks as I’ve delved deep into this, I’ve come to experience a lot of indifference towards the entire idea of love & relationship. I now truly believe I’m just not supposed to or going to experience love that I can sustain, and sustenance is important, else what is the use of getting into a relationship and falling apart after a while. At times, I’ve tried to explain this to my close friends, but after hearing what I’ve to say, they feel I’m being down on myself, but as a matter of fact I’ve been speaking my heart out and only the truth. My problem is that speaking my heart out to people whom I thought really understand me has been increasingly becoming an issue with me. Whilst it never really bothered me before, now I find myself desperately wanting to connect with someone and perhaps find some sense in this otherwise non-sense and selfish world.

After my mother, I cannot even imaging losing anyone else in my life, but I’ve, since then, lost a LOT of stuff that I would’ve otherwise never wanted to lose. I generalize all this loss with the term “stuff” because I would not really like to go into the details, and get all the hurt & pain out in the open, because I know nobody really cares. People say they do, but they don’t. All everybody cares for is their own self, their own pain, their own love & care, and their own life, and I am perfectly okay with it 95% of the times. It is just when I look back at my life, I feel a little sad; not regret, but sadness.

Like I’ve said before, I’m scared of losing people in my life and so I am stuck in this vicious cycle of wanting love, and to be in love, never perhaps having the opportunity to find someone who would really reciprocate that true undying love. Now, after all the failed relationships, I believe even if so called “true-love” came knocking at my door, I would be too god-damn scared to even grant entry to it. My destiny is to be lonely for the rest of my life (or whatever is left of it); I have stopped seeing any point in living a life that is wasted when so many people lose their loved ones, when they deserved a life full of happiness and satisfaction.

You know what I would really love to hear right at this point of time? I would give anything to hear somebody telling me that they love me, that “I love you, Bobby.” I am beginning to accept this fact that I’m not meant to be loved; that everyday commitment, share your life with, do things together is simply not in the cards for me anymore. Yes, there are moments I break down and feel so completely sad about it, but slowly I’m coming to terms with this.

It is all beginning to fade out, what a real relationship feels like, what real love, to be loved, to be really cared for selflessly feels like…

FriendZoned – Why do Nice Guys Always Get Friendzoned

This is one question which many guys have in mind, and perhaps end up asking. How did I get placed in the friend-zone? While I am no relationship expert, but I shall try and put forth my point of view in this entire “friendzone” debate.

You see, this entire concept is very complicated, it is a complicated phenomenon that people insist on simplifying with answers which perhaps make a single, even funny claim such as, “It’s because nice guys aren’t really nice, they are playing nice.” or “It is because girls claim they want nice guys but they are actually lying.” Both of the above claims might be true to certain extent but they do not present the entire story.

A major factor is that “nice” isn’t attractive in-and-of itself. It’s a mistake to conclude an extreme opposite from that too: “Oh, I see! So girls like guys who are assholes.” There are lots of girls in the world, and some (unfortunately) are attracted to guys who mistreat them (especially when there’s no attractive alternative), but that’s not a cosmic truth about all women. “I’m a nice guy. How come I can’t get a girlfriend” is similar to “I own a really nice guitar that I take good care of. How come I’m not playing at some great music concert?” And it would be a mistake to conclude from that, “Oh, I see! These music concerts, may be, only want people with old, broken guitars that they treat like shit!” Owning (or having-access to) a guitar for practicing is the minimum requirement for a concert guitarist. You do want them to own guitars, but you want more than that. You want them to be able to read music and play with skill.

If you were to ask me, I generally would want people I relate to, to be nice and respectful, apart from caring, kind and good in some-way. But it doesn’t mean, if someone has these qualities, I would be attracted to them or be interested in them. It’s just a basic level of humanity which I would expect out of any human being; that is the way I am. It is something which I expect before I could even consider any sort of relationship. And if you want to know the truth, I believe that girls eventually get “bored” of these nice guys.

In my experience, “nice guys” and “friendzone” are mostly a young-man’s problem. I don’t know a single 35+ man who thinks of himself as “a nice guy” or who would describe himself as being “friendzoned”. This is, perhaps, because, by the time people reach the ripe age of 35, most know something about themselves. They no longer describe themselves in simple, cartoon-like terms, such as “I’m tall, dark & handsome,” “I’m goofy,” or “I’m nice.” They have skills, profound interests, careers, and so on. When I meet people at social gatherings or at different social events, they’re introduced to me as “a really good photographer”, “an amazing musician”, etc. No one is “nice” even though they are (almost) all nice.

I want to write a few more words on age, probably from my personal experience as I grew up through school & college. You see, so many people form strong opinions of the opposite sex in high-school and college. I feel most men and women aren’t fully-formed until they’re around 25, but unfortunately, by then, some of them have already become deeply opinionated based on how they were treated in high school. High-school girls & boys, amongst other things, many of them are perhaps a little immature. They don’t have the life experience to understand what makes a good romantic partner. Like all of us, they have to learn that by living and making mistakes. Added to which, they exist in an environment of extreme peer pressure: one in which they’re judged depending on who they date. Some adult women are capable of saying, “I like him, so who gives a shit what anyone else thinks,” but very few high-school students (be it male or female) have that level of confidence.

And, most of the boys these girls get to choose from are not fully formed at all. Most are nervous and totally lacking in confidence, and they deal with this by either being total messes or by cloaking their self-esteem issues with bravado, arrogance, and/ or bullying behavior. Some young girls, because they lack experience, are fooled into thinking that latter type is confident. By the time they reach their mid-to-late 20s, they mostly realize their mistake and start dating different sorts of guys, which works out well, because many guys have matured by then, too.

But it’s unfortunate that so many guys form their lifelong opinion of women based on how they were treated by their “young girl-friends”. By the time they’re grown up, some of these men are so angry and hurt, they hate women altogether. And, of course, women can sense that. They wisely avoid those guys. Which makes them hate women even more. (Women are just as apt to form negative opinions of men based on “young boyfriends,” but that’s not the focus of this article.

If your main feeling, when you think of “friendzone” is one of rage, you’re unlikely to have a girlfriend until you deal with that. The second part of girlfriend is “friend,” and you can’t be friends with people you loath. Now, THAT is the crux of the matter.

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