Tag Archives: romance

I Love You And I Mean It…

“I Love You…”

When I say, “I love you”, it is like that silent poetry which throbs inside my heart and this feeling just cannot be uttered in 3 short words or 30,000 for that matter. Whenever I try to describe the way I feel for you, every word just seems trite and hollow. As a matter of fact, there have been times when I’ve felt the whole English language is just plain insufficient to describe this feeling inside of me.

Tonight, this thought crossed my mind; a thought of writing it all in an uncut version of sorts, maybe this way when I pour my heart out, you’d really understand the amount of love I have in me, for you. Maybe when you’ll ultimately read these lines, then you’ll understand where I am coming from. I am coming from a place where pain and happiness run together, where lovers die in each other’s arms and are then born again…to be with each other. I just want you to actually feel all of this, and more.

I love you. And although on the face of it, these words seem like something that every lover has told to their loved ones but what it really means is I want you. From the very first day I saw you, to this day, I have always wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone, ever. When I say, “I love you”, I mean you’re really beautiful. You’re terrific, gorgeous in your heels and in all your glittering finery and even more so, in whatever way I see you. You’re beautiful even when you’re not trying at all, and you’re oh so attractive when you just let it all go and just be carelessly, naturally you. Looking at you each time just makes me go absolutely speechless. It is like a sunset reflected in still water, or a starry night up there in the Himalayas, so clear that you can actually see the Milky way spread across the night-sky.

I literally love everything about you – the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you are, your body, your style, that elegance. I absolutely love each and every little detail about you. Even when you’re not saying anything, just the company is what speaks. And it feels so peaceful, so worth it. When you walk, I feel like there is a particular rhythm to it, and an elegance. It is like you embody the very definition of “pure woman”, right from the beautiful curls of your hair to your ankles and toes.

And then, when I say, “I love you”, I mean, all of you, just the very way you are. I love your silliness or your playfulness, how easily you can laugh and how comfortable I feel around you. I love your honesty, I love how you really talk. Your fears. Your words. Your voice. Your smile. Your eyes & those beautiful lips. By “I love you”, what I really mean is that I trust you. And I respect you. I admire you. And I absolutely adore you.

I’ve been hurt enough in my life, and you are not inexperienced yourself when it comes to heartbreaks. So, when I say, “I love you”, I mean I want to be the one you turn to when you’re hurting. I want to be the one who listens, because, I absolutely love listening to you. Just looking at you speak can make my day so worth it. I want to hold you in my arms and take care of you. I want you to know that in this constantly changing world, there is someone whom you can really believe in, someone who will be your pillar of trust.

I can go on writing so much more, but all I want you to know is that I have a place here inside my heart for you. Yes, I LOVE YOU…

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Be Real. Be You.

Perfection

Last night, late night, I got a phone-call from somebody whom I haven’t heard in years. As she sobbed on the other end of the phone, I couldn’t help but really wonder what had happened to her, why was she just crying and not telling me anything. What had happened so grave that all she could think of was calling me,after almost 16 years of no contact. As she started talking after crying her heart out (I did not try to stop her or console her in between), I could see clearly what had happened. Her parents were getting her married off to someone whom they thought was “perfect” for her, and not to somebody whom she really cared & loved. And since she had been connected to me through Facebook (and other means), and I’ve known her for more than half of my life, and she loved me to bits when we were together back in school, she thought it apt to just call me and speak her heart out, and don’t get judged in the process.

After she hung up the phone-call after speaking to me for a good 35 odd minutes I think, I kept wondering till 5 in the morning. Am I the only one who feels that perfection is fast becoming a disease? It is not only a disease, it is absolute mayhem, I tell you. It’s a grave sickness that I’ve struggled with, it’s a disease which has struck us all from time to time. And I am sure, there are more than a fair share of you who have been hit by “perfection”. I don’t know how exactly to define perfection, but I just know this for sure, there is nothing called “perfect” that exists in this world.

Perhaps, “perfection” is a wife who feels stuck in a marriage to a angry, over-protective, abusive husband but she cannot tell this truth to anybody but herself. “You know”, she says, “my husband called me a whore & a bitch last week but he is a nice guy otherwise.”

Perfection can also be a friend you have who has some sort of an addiction which he likes to call as ‘perfection’ and ‘a mode to relax’. This friend of yours generally likes to believe that nobody else could understand his point of view about how this is not an addiction but a ‘medicine’, a perfect way to relax the mind & soul.

“Perfection” is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. I’m speaking this from my personal experience, from what I have seen happening with my own mom.What my mother never knew was that these “other moms” might just be alone at home crying because of this immense pressure to remain perfect in the society.

This friend of mine who called me up last night wanted to be ‘perfect’. It was as if she was overwhelmed; so overwhelmed infact that she wanted to kill herself out of the pressure. She said, she thinks about killing herself daily, but she never could muster up the courage to do it as she was worried what people will think if she did commit suicide. She even spoke to me about how could she make her suicide look like an accident. She said, “If I kill myself, I would never like anybody to know that I ever had problems. You are the only one whom I am confiding it in.” She never really seemed to tell me the exact reasons as to why she doesn’t want to live, or why she doesn’t want to heal because she felt perhaps, healing would mean anything but perfect.

I also feel, at times, perfection is somebody who is looked upto as an idol or an “ideal man”, a “role model” but inside he is screaming his heart out to be seen at the faults that he actually has. Perfection is like a woman having an affair because she is too afraid to confront all the imperfections in her marriage, or leave, as she is worried about how the society would look at her as “imperfect” or a “failure”.

You know what? You must get up, and embrace your weaknesses. Accept the fact that we aren’t perfect; your body isn’t perfect, you are not the only one who feels worthless some-times. You aren’t the only one who is by Info” href=”#56152853″> not making enough money to support your own-self or your family. Or, you are not the only one who feels trapped in a relationship or marriage. I’ve always loved listening to everybody. For some reason, people like to talk to me, maybe because I like listening to them without questioning them. Or maybe because I’ve almost always been honest with them about who I actually am, and eventually they have begun to be their actual selves with me.

This happens with each one of us, and we must learn to embrace it. Fully. At that very moment, when she was crying her heart out, all I wanted to do was put my arms around her and make her comfortable. Tell her that nothing in life is worth dying for. NOTHING. Maybe she’ll read this and understand it all. Maybe she would make choices that would make her happy, eventually. And I will be happy for her. Genuniely happy.

The ‘cure’ for ‘perfection’, if there can be any, is very simple, really. You just need to be yourself. Be Real. Everything else will eventually fall into place…


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FriendZoned – Why do Nice Guys Always Get Friendzoned

This is one question which many guys have in mind, and perhaps end up asking. How did I get placed in the friend-zone? While I am no relationship expert, but I shall try and put forth my point of view in this entire “friendzone” debate.

You see, this entire concept is very complicated, it is a complicated phenomenon that people insist on simplifying with answers which perhaps make a single, even funny claim such as, “It’s because nice guys aren’t really nice, they are playing nice.” or “It is because girls claim they want nice guys but they are actually lying.” Both of the above claims might be true to certain extent but they do not present the entire story.

A major factor is that “nice” isn’t attractive in-and-of itself. It’s a mistake to conclude an extreme opposite from that too: “Oh, I see! So girls like guys who are assholes.” There are lots of girls in the world, and some (unfortunately) are attracted to guys who mistreat them (especially when there’s no attractive alternative), but that’s not a cosmic truth about all women. “I’m a nice guy. How come I can’t get a girlfriend” is similar to “I own a really nice guitar that I take good care of. How come I’m not playing at some great music concert?” And it would be a mistake to conclude from that, “Oh, I see! These music concerts, may be, only want people with old, broken guitars that they treat like shit!” Owning (or having-access to) a guitar for practicing is the minimum requirement for a concert guitarist. You do want them to own guitars, but you want more than that. You want them to be able to read music and play with skill.

If you were to ask me, I generally would want people I relate to, to be nice and respectful, apart from caring, kind and good in some-way. But it doesn’t mean, if someone has these qualities, I would be attracted to them or be interested in them. It’s just a basic level of humanity which I would expect out of any human being; that is the way I am. It is something which I expect before I could even consider any sort of relationship. And if you want to know the truth, I believe that girls eventually get “bored” of these nice guys.

In my experience, “nice guys” and “friendzone” are mostly a young-man’s problem. I don’t know a single 35+ man who thinks of himself as “a nice guy” or who would describe himself as being “friendzoned”. This is, perhaps, because, by the time people reach the ripe age of 35, most know something about themselves. They no longer describe themselves in simple, cartoon-like terms, such as “I’m tall, dark & handsome,” “I’m goofy,” or “I’m nice.” They have skills, profound interests, careers, and so on. When I meet people at social gatherings or at different social events, they’re introduced to me as “a really good photographer”, “an amazing musician”, etc. No one is “nice” even though they are (almost) all nice.

I want to write a few more words on age, probably from my personal experience as I grew up through school & college. You see, so many people form strong opinions of the opposite sex in high-school and college. I feel most men and women aren’t fully-formed until they’re around 25, but unfortunately, by then, some of them have already become deeply opinionated based on how they were treated in high school. High-school girls & boys, amongst other things, many of them are perhaps a little immature. They don’t have the life experience to understand what makes a good romantic partner. Like all of us, they have to learn that by living and making mistakes. Added to which, they exist in an environment of extreme peer pressure: one in which they’re judged depending on who they date. Some adult women are capable of saying, “I like him, so who gives a shit what anyone else thinks,” but very few high-school students (be it male or female) have that level of confidence.

And, most of the boys these girls get to choose from are not fully formed at all. Most are nervous and totally lacking in confidence, and they deal with this by either being total messes or by cloaking their self-esteem issues with bravado, arrogance, and/ or bullying behavior. Some young girls, because they lack experience, are fooled into thinking that latter type is confident. By the time they reach their mid-to-late 20s, they mostly realize their mistake and start dating different sorts of guys, which works out well, because many guys have matured by then, too.

But it’s unfortunate that so many guys form their lifelong opinion of women based on how they were treated by their “young girl-friends”. By the time they’re grown up, some of these men are so angry and hurt, they hate women altogether. And, of course, women can sense that. They wisely avoid those guys. Which makes them hate women even more. (Women are just as apt to form negative opinions of men based on “young boyfriends,” but that’s not the focus of this article.

If your main feeling, when you think of “friendzone” is one of rage, you’re unlikely to have a girlfriend until you deal with that. The second part of girlfriend is “friend,” and you can’t be friends with people you loath. Now, THAT is the crux of the matter.

Rantings of a Loner

I’ve been a loner for a long time now, so long infact that I am having a hard time remembering when was the last time I was with a beloved for a period of more than a few days or weeks. I was in love, more than once so to speak, quite some-time back. I thought it was for a life-time but it wasn’t to be. Am I in love now? Well, I would like to believe so, but it just gets tougher to stay alone like this, each day.

There have been times when I have wanted to be alone. Just wanted to be all by myself, but then there are times when I so long for a companion. Someone who would just be by my side. We would not complain, we wouldn’t argue, we would just be with each other, in good times and bad. We would just sit together without even talking, but enjoying each other’s presence and each other’s silence. We would travel together to places where we haven’t been to and just be lost, for I know if she would be with me, even as lame a thing as getting lost would perhaps be the most romantic thing to do.

We would just drive around town on late nights while old Hindi songs would play in the background, on the radio. And without saying a word, she would say a thousand things just by looking at me one glance. I long for that love. I long for that companionship. I feel haunted at times, by all this loneliness. Even God doesn’t know what would I give to have her by my side right now as I lie almost senseless, like a zombie on the bed and type my heart out.

I hope somewhere she is reading this and feeling the same. For I know, how much I love her and care for her and long for her to be here with me. They say, God has a plan for everybody but I say, if there is any God up there or wherever Gods are supposed to be, He doesn’t have ANY plans whatsoever for me, especially when it comes to matters of love or the heart. I have always been an utter failure at that, and from how things are progressing, I don’t see much hope but more heart-break and a life void of love, affection and care. Don’t I deserve to feel loved? Is wanting to be with someone whom you love a sin? Well, I think He would like to believe so, when it comes to me. And then they say, He has plans for everybody. Plans. What plans?

– A loner.

I wish I would’ve found you sooner…

I wish I met you earlier; a lot earlier. Even before I knew what love is. You know ever since we met, I knew it was special. That the way we talk and laugh around each other is different than everybody else. That I will never meet anyone I can trust as much as I trust you. You know what I think? I think most people search their whole lives to find what I’ve already found in you. There are times I think, you and I share the sort of bond that people make movies about, and writers write novels about.

I know all this might sound a little too much for you, a little too romantic perhaps, but I think, by now you know that my world revolves around romance. All the little adventures that I’ve had with you, each one of them is worth remembering for each one is a memory so sweet that it makes my eyes moist when I think about it all. No, not with sadness or depression, but because my heart feels you right here, with me, each moment. Everyday.

I have been in love before but the kind of passion, the kind of affection I have found in you is so amazing that I feel I have fallen in love for the first time. I love you more than you’ll ever know. It is often said, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love brings you a fairy tale. Well, my lady, this does feel like that fairy tale. I also know that there are times when I irritate you and perhaps annoy you even, but you know what? It is such a great feeling to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life, and believe me when I say, my heart has found that person. At last.

Words just keep flowing when I think about you. Your smile is the sweetest one I have ever seen, your voice is the sexiest I have ever heard; yes, it turns me on and you very well know it. If there is a touch that stirs the deepest crevices of my heart, it’s that warm touch of yours. I have always believed that there are certain things in life which are meant to be, and that is our heart’s calling; what we mere mortals also call ‘destiny’.

You know, when you find someone who can make you laugh, smile, grow, lust, want, crave, feel. Make you mad but happy. Irritates you but want to love you more. Keep that because that is Euphoria. That is love. And as I pen down all these feelings, all I want to say is, if ever there is a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something which you must always keep close to your heart, something which you must remember. You are braver than you believe and stronger than you think. My heart shall always love you, no matter what life holds ahead for us. Please let me love you, if not for the rest of your life, then for the rest of mine. I Love You…

Why Do People Get Married?

ImageOff-late, everyone around me seems to be doing just one thing- getting married. With all the friends, and dear ones getting married, it puts a certain sort of pressure on the mind about this whole “getting married” stuff. To be frank, I have never really understood WHY do people get married? What is so charming about getting married and spending your life with that one person whom you think you love, and care for.

I feel, and I seriously think nobody needs to get married, not anymore and nobody needs to stay married either. Yet, at some point in our lives, most of us will commit ourselves to one woman (or man) for better or for worse, with that faint doubt in the back of our minds. Yet, we do it anyway, and hence I have always wanted to ask this question – why do we get married?

– Because you love her.
– Because you like her.
– Because she wants to.
– Because “kids” sound nice.
– Because she doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
– Because you don’t want her to go anywhere.
– Because of social pressure.
– Because almost all of your friends are married.
– Because sex is good.
– Because fights are good, but sex after those fights are even better.
– And, probably because, wait, how old are you, again?

The reasons can be myraid but this question has been haunting me for the past many weeks now, more so with my family putting pressure on me to get married. I have met (and know) people who aren’t married and are leading perfectly healthy (and happy) lives. I have also known people who are married and are living their dreams. I believe, it should be left to the concerned person, and should never be forced upon them. I work as a full-time photographer creating beautiful candid pictures of couples who are in love and getting married to each other, but when it comes to my own wedding, I have this strange picture on my mind. It’s like that never ending dark tunnel, without any proverbial light at the end of it all.

I must confess that I have been through a few tough relationships which failed drastically because of factors best left unsaid. Post all the heart-break and trauma, I have some-how come to realize, and I might be wrong in believing so, that there is no “perfect girl” as such, just like there is no “perfect guy” to fall in love or to get married with. It is like I have been searching for that “perfect girl” ever since; she’s smart, pretty and absolutely adorable. She reads during her free time and she still watches shitty television with me on the couch, just for the heck of it. She loves to shop and to present herself well, but feels most comfortable with her feet up on the coffee table, listening to my boring talks all day long. We should be romantic anywhere and any-time, and be crazy about “love” any god-damn time of the day (or night, ofcourse). This girl can laugh at stupid, girly nonsense but can still take a joke when we make fun of each other. She’s calm but passionate, she’s cool but super-HOT a the same time, she loves me to bits, but is always the first one to point out my mistakes.

I want guys to end up with a girl like this because I feel like then, they’ll never be bored. They’ll get that sexiness and femininity that they crave, along with the comfort of being with a best friend, because relationships almost never work if you’re not friends with your significant other. All said and done, the fact of the matter remains, just why do people get married? If you’ve a solid reply to that, please leave your comments here. After all, my papa has been after my life to get married, but I, on the other hand am just not convinced that I must “settle” down in life (as if getting married is the only means of “settling down”).

Cheers.

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